I haven't really been able to sleep for weeks, but this is the first time I've pulled an all nighter in a while. I just can't make the thoughts stop tonight. My love is upset with me for not eating this weekend, and I promised I would try just for him. I will try, but I doubt I will succeed.
I don't want today to happen. There is too much going on. I missed school Friday and I'm sure I have a ton of work to make up. Work that I won't do. I'm failing all of my classes.. Also, I have a band concert tonight. I love band so much, and playing my instrument makes me the happiest person alive. I don't want to go tonight though. Why? Because I look fat in my uniform. I'm a dumbass, I know. I would rather curl up on the couch, alone, and have to face my thoughts than be in the one place I'm happiest. All because I'm fat. Nice one, Sophie.
My mind feels like its going a million mile an hour. I'm feeling unnecessarily poetic. It's like I'm trying tirelessly to fill my mundane experiences with a facade of beauty, to make them appealing to readers of a blog that is mostly to control my tormenting thoughts. Oh my.
I should stop before I begin to blather on about nothingness. I have an hour and a half to kill before it's time to get up. Am I going to sleep? Probably not. Am I going to work out because I ate and purged two bites of pizza? Definitely.
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