I haven't posted in quite a while and I feel like a failure because nothing has changed. Well, a lot has changed but I have barely lost any weight.
First things first: I'm back with my ex. He is the most amazing and wonderful boy I know and I'm so glad he's back in my life because it was getting so hard trying to pretend I didn't miss him. He knows about my problems and he is always there to listen to me. I love that boy more than he knows. <3
Next: Christmas wasn't a complete disaster. I lost 10lbs over the break but I came back with bruises and a shattered self-esteem thanks to my brother. That hasn't quite repaired itself yet. I got to see my sister as well. She got fatter and I feel like a terrible person for being happy. She's visiting for spring break along with her girlfriend. I hope that I'm thinner than her at this point...
Finally: I've started cutting again. I've been really depressed lately and I couldn't take it anymore. I'm so angry at myself for starting this again, but I can't stop. I never could. Now that I've lost my virginity I'm so scared for my boyfriend to see my body because I hate it. Every time he tells me how beautiful and perfect I am I just want to cut and cut and cut to make him see how ugly I really am. >_<
I hope nobody has missed me. I doubt people read this anyway.
youre beautiful, dont harm yourself. and thats from a picture with squinting, lol im sure smiling you look pretty!
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listen to ur bf lol.
Thank you love <3 I'm trying so hard to stop cutting right now. Benjamin is helping me get through it, but I feel like it's an uphill battle. I've been cutting for 8 years. /:
ReplyDelete:( He loves you, Eye! Because you are amazingbeautifulgorgeous and he sees it. And I know he'd want you to see it too :)
ReplyDelete<3 thank you darling. I'm trying to see it. I'm trying so hard.
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