So basically what it has come down to is me sitting alone in my room to afraid to come out. I finally built up the courage so sneak into the living room to post this. Just seeing the coffee table and desk littered with dirty dishes and wrappers was almost enough to set me off again.
I'm so scared now, to even have the tiniest bit of food. I know that whatever I put in my mouth will want a friend. Then they will want more guests, and more and more and more.
It's my own fault. I let myself get too hungry. Then, when I have the smallest bit of anything, I start shoveling the food in like there is no tomorrow. The thing is I want to be hungry.
I started cutting again a few nights ago. I will every time I overeat. For now, that means every time I eat. I'm done with food.
How many times have I said that?
FUCK THIS.
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